Wednesday, December 14, 2016

I have times still in my life where I feel like I am worthless. I don't think that anyone can do this alone, and that's what makes us stronger. Two hardest things to say are; I Am Sorry, I Need Help. Why? Look around people don't care anymore. We have become so caught up with ourselves that we forgot about our own family. The lies and manipulation we tormented our family with just so we could not feel, and be numb to everything. What's wrong with feelings? Isn't that why we were created to have personal relationships with other people? Yet we are looking for things outside ourselves to fix a problem that deeply embedded in our brains. Than we become just shells of people when we are in an active addiction because we only care about getting that next fix. We are dead in all the ways that matter; emotionally, mentally, spiritually but just not physical death. However, that's what we are slowly doing to ourselves every time you use, because you are playing with something that wants you dead. There is help out there and you have to want it in order for it to work, and most of us are self-sabotaging so when we get a few weeks clean we feel unworthy of the good things that start to happen. So we feel the need to screw things up and it's a vicious cycle. My question is are you going to stay part of your problem? Or grow up and become part of the solution to your problems? I think addicts are people that feel everything and we are very sensitive people in all reality. I know I wear my emotions on my sleeves and go out of my way to help strangers. Why do I do this? I do it because it takes me out of myself and I have learned that it's okay to feel. I am okay today with who I am and if I would allow the wreckage from my past define me I would be defeated. So I think my message is to empty your garbage daily and stop carrying around stuff from your past. We can't take back yesterday let alone the things we did weeks ago. All we can do is the next right thing and try and help someone else out. We can become obsessed with our own thoughts and reality is we have a thought every seven seconds and we choose to turn it into an action. What will you choose?

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